Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.
I was tiredly tormented watching her slowly scattering pieces of her life with every blow.
"Why do you smoke?" I ask
“It’s a substitute” she answers like it’s the most natural thing to say.
“For what” I burst running out of patience and flooding with annoyance.
"For love" she pauses and blows out the smoke "you see, smoking, just like love it takes your breath away and clouds your field with endless grey"
I pull her by the hair and sink her head in the pool where we are sitting, I drown her head in the water and hold her tight fighting her struggle. When I feel her running out of fight, I hold her up again and ask sarcastically, sadly and angrily if those three ever collide.
“Did that take your breath away? Do you feel grey enough now”
Her eyes sinking and blinking in her head trying to swim back to life. She looks at me like a possessed demon and starts laughing out loud . It scares me. “I am dead” I think to myself.
She throws the cigaret that was still in her hand, wet now. Then stretches and reaches for the pack and shoves it to the water as well.
"No smoking" panting, she says "I got the point, you can stop trying to kill me now"
She never smoked again but her breath was taken away and her clouds were as grey as the shadows.
This time by love, something that cannot be substituted or subsided. The real delusion. Everything else is just a distraction.